Ending a marriage is a particularly difficult decision for Filipinos. The Philippines is still one of the few countries where divorce is still illegal. Our beliefs rooted in culture and religion serve as an invisible barrier that lead many of my clients to call for advice but wait many years before taking any action. Unlike my non-Filipino clients, my Filipino clients often ask me about alternatives to divorce.
Among “artistas,” annulment seems to be very popular because it is an acceptable form of ending a marriage recognized in the Roman Catholic Church. An annulment is a declaration of invalidity of a marriage. This means that there was never a valid marriage in the first place. If the annulment is recognized by the Catholic Church, the individual who received an annulment could seek to remarry in the Catholic Church.
While annulment may seem appealing to Filipinos from a cultural and religious perspective, it does not provide the financial protections of a divorce because there would not be marital assets. Let’s take an example we can all relate to as Filipinos. Nurse wife meets a medical student husband. They get married. Nurse wife works her 16 hour shifts while taking care of three children and supporting her husband’s ambitions to become a doctor. Medical student husband completes medical school, residency, fellowship, and becomes a successful surgeon and a well-respected doctor. Nurse wife and doctor husband decide together that nurse wife should quit her job to take care of the children full-time. Husband accumulates significant assets, property, and retirement benefits. Doctor husband and nurse wife are married for over 20 years. Then doctor husband leaves wife for a younger nurse he meets at work. If nurse wife seeks an annulment declaring this marriage invalid, she may be foregoing half the assets, property, retirement benefits, and lifetime alimony which she could be entitled to in a divorce.
Legal separation is another avenue many of my Filipino clients inquire about. From my perspective, legal separation has all the drama of a divorce, without the benefits (you cannot get remarried). It is marriage purgatory. Also, a legal separation requires a court process. In the eyes of God, the parties are still married. However, financially, the parties’ assets are separated. This includes the possibility of losing health benefits through a spouse’s job. I think the person this kind of arrangement benefits is the cheating spouse who wants to have their cake and eat it too. The cheating spouse can still be with his/her “kabit” giving him/her gifts without the guilt of leaving the loyal spouse. I think the better alternative is to just physically separate and decide if you want to remain married or follow through with a divorce.
The decision to end a marriage is a personal decision and every individual values aspects about the marriage and separation differently. The one message I do want to leave those going through difficult times in their marriage is this: The only person really looking out for you is you.
Thank you for reading. Until we meet again, love one another.